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Make More Friends; Be Likeable

Distinctively Red
Creative Commons License photo credit: pshutterbug

โ€œLife is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.โ€ – Tennessee Williams

If you want to have more friends, being likeable is essential.

Being likeable is not hard to do! It all boils down to whether or not people enjoy your company. When others find you enjoyable to be around, they want to spend more time with you. When they don’t find you enjoyable, no matter how many other talents or skills you have, they don’t want to spend as much time with you.

And the great part is, you don’t have to change who you are in order to be likeable.

6 Ways to Be More Likeable and Make Friends Easily

Like Yourself – This is the most important step and where it all starts. If you don’t really like yourself or only “kinda” like yourself, other people are going to take that as a cue for how much they should like you. People who like themselves display certain characteristics – they are (generally) relaxed, comfortable, friendly, kind and pleasant. Other people will like you as much as you like yourself, so do yourself a favor and make friends with you! Think about your particular qualities and how they allow you to uniquely contribute to the world.

Recognize the Best in Others – We meet people everyday who have a mix of qualities – some we like and some we don’t. Always focus on those qualities that bring out the best in people. If the guy who sits next to you talks incessantly, but is a really positive person who brings great energy to the people around him, focus on his positive attitude even if his talking irritates you sometimes. He’ll appreciate that you recognize his good qualities. We all want the best of ourselves to be reflected back to us. Be a mirror for people’s best qualities. (And recognize that you, too, are a combination of traits that others like and dislike.)

See Yourself As Others Do – You want to make sure that you are communicating what you think you are communicating. Many times, what is inside of us is not reflected on the outside. Do you know how other people see you? Become aware of how you appear to others, and make sure that you are the one managing the message.

Say “Yes” – When another person asks you if you would like to “help out”, “join in”, or “be a part of” say “Yes” liberally. However, in order to say “Yes”, you also have to be able to say “No.” If you have trouble saying “No” when you really don’t want to or can’t do something, saying “Yes” all the time may not be helpful. When you feel that you can say “No” if you need to, saying “Yes” automatically starts to happen more often.

Say Hello – Be sure to greet people you run into throughout the day. A greeting is a friendly acknowledgement of another person, and most people are highly appreciative of this because it makes them feel “seen.” People don’t like feeling invisible. Based on the situation, a greeting could be many things – a quick chat or even just brief eye contact. Decide what is most appropriate for your situation.

Be Fun – If you like to have fun, you probably are fun too. Fun people tend to smile and laugh a lot. You don’t have to be the one telling jokes and stories, you just have to enjoy them.

What other qualities make someone likeable? Please share your ideas and tips in the comments. Thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚

โ€œLife is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.โ€

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9 Comments

  1. Love this post, Amanda! I’m not as social as I should be and I think reading this will really help me out with that. Thanks for sharing these tips… It really shows that small things (like a hello!) can make a big difference!
    .-= Positively Present´s last blog ..stop seeing life in black & white =-.

  2. Hi Amanda,
    (Hey, I’m off to a good start, aren’t I!!!) (my sad attempt at humor too…see I’m really trying here!!)
    All joking aside, this is really good. And what especially jumps out at me is in seeing yourself as others do. That takes self awareness, which isn’t always easy – as we can easily be skewed by our own perceptions. Seeing ourselves through a different lens, the lens that others see us through – if we can truly do that – we’ll get a much better understanding of who we are…

    A great read today, Amanda!
    .-= Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day =-.

  3. Amanda Linehan Amanda Linehan

    Hi Dani – Glad you liked it. ๐Ÿ™‚ And, I agree, when it comes to being likeable, the small stuff really does matter.

    Hi Lance – HAHA! Too funny! Yes, that was an excellent start (and gave me a good laugh too). Right, it’s not enough to just look inwards, you also have to look from without. This skill really smooths over our social interactions. Thanks a lot!

  4. Hi Amanda – It’s so wise to point out that being likeable is not just about how WE are, but also how we perceive others (“recognize the best in others”). It’s such a relief to pull back those judgments (which are so draining), and I think it also helps us like ourselves better too. Thanks!
    .-= Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Your Inner Magician and the Power of Naming =-.

  5. Amanda Linehan Amanda Linehan

    Hi Patty – You’re right, it is a relief! Seeing the best in others is really just a change of perspective, and in the end it makes you feel better (and the other person too). We are not always willing to do this however…strange. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. Amanda — This is a great post for me. As I work at home, I sometimes don’t get out as much as I’d like. In addition, some of my closest friends have moved away. So, one of my goals is to meet new friends who actually live in my town and aren’t online:~)

    I loved your suggestions, especially when you said, “Be a mirror for peopleโ€™s best qualities.” As I’m kind of shy, meeting new people can be difficult for me. I tend to worry about whether or not they’ll like me. This suggestion reminds me to focus less on whether I’m being liked and more on what I really like about the person I’m meeting. Thanks for this:~)
    .-= Sara´s last blog ..Picture Story: Funny Signs =-.

  7. Amanda Linehan Amanda Linehan

    Hi Sara – Yes! It’s sometimes hard to stop thinking of yourself when you are nervous about meeting new people, but changing your thoughts to think more about the other person really does help. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hi Vanessa – Thanks!

  8. Ed Ed

    Thanks for the helpful tips. I used to be a person that was in my opinion extremely naturally likeable. I had so many friends its not even funny. But something changed in me over time; I lost contact with people, I kept to myself all the time for years. I’m now a negative unlikeable person to myself and others and I totally see it. Its like I have such a hard time focusing on what other people have to say anymore, IDK what it is, I’m so preoccupied with my thoughts to even care what other people have to say. What a lonely experiance this has become for me. Now I want what I use to have back; my likeability. Hopefully how I’ve been to other people and the way I’ve been representing myself over the past few years is reversible. So thats what brings me here, Thank God for sights like this and Thank You for posting this. I’m gonna try some of these tips, hopefully they will help over time.

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