Getting rejected hurts.
And even after the initial sting, we wonder what it is about us that made this person reject us.
In a word: Nothing. Even though it doesn’t feel that way, being rejected is more about the other person than it is about you.
Just changing your perspective on rejection can help you overcome your fear of it, and help you see that getting rejected is just another part of living.
The 3 Thoughts Behind the Fear of Rejection
- I am not good enough.
- I am not lovable.
- There is something wrong with me.
These three thoughts are behind all of the distress we feel when we get rejected. They start as one small thought and then snowball into a hundred thoughts all supporting your belief that these things are true.
Your task in overcoming your fear of rejection is to get rid of your belief in one or more of these three thoughts. They are poison to your mind. Don’t drink them.
Overcome the Fear of Rejection
“It’s Not Me, It’s You”: If there are things you want in life, you are going to have to risk rejection. Don’t take it so personally – it simply means that the relationship is not a match. The next time this happens think to yourself, “It’s not me, it’s you.” The person doing the rejecting probably has a good reason, and it usually has nothing to do with your self worth.
There is Always “Another”: Another job, another dating partner, another friend. If you get rejected, remember that there is always another relationship. This wasn’t your last chance.
Remember the Times When You Rejected Someone: You are not always the rejected, sometimes you are the rejector. Think about what it was like to reject someone else. Did you think the person you were rejecting was a horrible person? Probably not. You had your own reasons that didn’t have much to do with the other person.
Consider What You Are Attracting: If you are doing a lot of rejecting, or getting rejected a lot, reconsider the things you are attracted to. While rejection is a part of living that will happen occasionally, it shouldn’t happen constantly. Maybe you are attracted to (or are attracting) things that aren’t right for you. Re-evaluate what it is you really want.
Be Careful About Changing Yourself: Sometimes when we are scared of being rejected we try to be something or act a certain way so that there is less of a chance of rejection. I don’t recommend this. Doing things to please others can leave you feeling empty, because you are not acting from yourself. Be who you are, and if you get rejected, just know that there is a better match for you somewhere else.
How have you overcome the fear of rejection? Something to share? Leave it in the comments!