It’s Not Easy To Know What You Want
By Amanda Linehan on August 18, 2008
photo credit: seanmcgrath
Have you ever asked yourself what you wanted out of life? What was the answer you got? Was there a clear image of what you wanted to do, be and have that you felt strongly about? Or were there vague ideas that you weren’t sure how you felt about?
It seems that knowing what you want should be easy. I mean, you’re the only one who can really know the answer to this question, so you should be able to answer it, right?
In reality, this is not a question anyone can answer without some thought and without some trial and error. If you want to know what you want you have to go looking for it, it doesn’t just come to you wrapped up in a neat little package.
If you have asked yourself what you want and you truthfully don’t know, don’t worry, you’re just like everyone else, and you can begin to take some steps to figure out what that is.
Start Where You Are Dissatisfied
If you are unsure of what you want, you probably have a good idea of what you don’t want. In what areas of your life are you disatisfied? This is the first “call to action.” Do you hate your job? Are you unsure if the relationship you are in is right for you? Do you not like how far you have to commute? Is the city you live in just not appealing to you? Whatever it is, dissatisfaction is usually not that hard to spot.
Be (brutally) honest with yourself about how you got to this point. What have you done, or not done, that lead you to where you are right now? How did you get here and why did you get here?
Also, what is it about the things you are disatisfied with that you don’t like? Figure that out and then begin to replace these things with what you might like.
What Do You Think You Want?
Now that you’ve taken some time to think about where you are disatisfied in your life, how can you be more satisfied? Use your self awareness to think of some things you might want instead of what you now have. Remember, you won’t know for sure if you really want it until you’ve tried it, but you’ve got to start someplace.
A really good place to begin is simply to ask yourself what you have the most desire to do. Go with what you are drawn to. Even if it doesn’t work out exactly like you thought it would you will probably learn something valuable in the process. You are attracted to certain things for a reason. Go figure out what that reason is. No matter what you find you will learn something about your self.
“It is our business to go as we are impelled.” - D.H. Lawrence
Try Things You Think You Want
You are not going to know what you want for sure until you try it. This is a trial and error process. But you’ll always get something out of it because everything that you learn about yourself can be added to your self awareness. The more knowledge about your self that you have, the better predictions you will make about what you want. Self awareness is a process that you can always refine. Keep track of what you are learning about yourself. This is valuable information.
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Topics: Passion | Comments Off
Pursue Enjoyment To Make Everything You Do Worthwhile
By Amanda Linehan on August 14, 2008
photo credit: miyukiutada
“I wasted time, and now doth time waste me.” - William Shakespeare
How many times have you done something only because you thought you were going to get something from it, and then didn’t get what you thought you would? Did you feel that this was a waste of your time and energy?
Think about what you typically do on a daily basis. How many of these things do you do simply for the sake of doing them? And, how many of these things do you do only to get an external reward?
It’s not a bad thing to engage in an activity only to get a reward (I mean, we all have to eat and have a place to live, right?). But, engaging in more activities that you enjoy simply for the sake of doing them will ultimately make your days that much more worthwhile. If the reward is simply the activity itself then you always get something out of it.
In his book “Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention,” Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi discussed two types of activity: autotelic and exotelic. Autotelic activity is activity you do for the sheer enjoyment of the activity itself. Exotelic activity is activity you do in order to get at some external reward. Most activities in life are exotelic, rather than autotelic.
Seeking Enjoyment For It’s Own Sake
How do you find activities that you enjoy simply for the sake of doing them? You might already know what they are. If that’s the case, make room for them in your life, make them a priority. Especially when your days are filled with things that you have to do, taking the time to do something you love isn’t just important, it’s a necessity.
And what about if you’re not sure what brings you joy for it’s own sake. This isn’t that hard. Just ask yourself - What do I have the greatest desire to do? Follow your desire and you are sure to find something that you are not only very good at, but love to do for its own sake.
“If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.” - Katherine Hepburn
Seeking Enjoyment In Things You Have To Do
This one is a bit more difficult, but in a way, more important as there are many things you have to do, but don’t enjoy doing. Think about the goals you have for your life or personal qualities you possess and look at the activity from that perspective. For instance, if you hate to vacuum the floor and clean the bathroom, but you are trying to be more mindfull and meditate regularly, you can do the chores mindfully and use it as a type of meditation. If you are a very competetive person and you have a repetitive task to do at work you can see how fast you can do the activity or how you can do it the best.
Connect the activity to something about yourself and it will never be a waste of action, it will always be a learning experience.
Quality Of Experience
Why is an autotelic activity preferable to an exotelic activity? Simply because of the way that you feel when engaged in the activity. When Csikszentmihalyi studied people that who did things they enjoyed but did not get rewarded for them, he found that these people were motivated by the “quality of experience they felt when they were involved with the activity.” (Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention, p. 110)
People have asked many times over - What is the key to happiness? And, the answer to this question is usually the attainment of some situation, object, circumstance or goal. People often define happiness in terms of the future, but neglect their present experience.
The quality of our experiences, while we might not be directly aware of it in the moment, go a long way towards how we feel about our day, our week, our year, our life. Seeking out activities that give us a certain “quality of experience” may not be the only key to happiness, but certainly contributes to it in a way that many other things don’t.
“They deem me mad because I will not sell my days for gold; and I deem them mad because they think my days have a price.” - Kahlil Gibran
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Topics: Passion, Vibrance | 2 Comments »
Don’t Abandon Your Dreams
By Amanda Linehan on August 7, 2008
photo credit: josef.stuefer
We don’t like to wait. For anything. Not in line, not in traffic, and not even for things we’d like to have in our lives. We believe it’s always better to take action than to wait around for things to happen. But, when does taking action start to hurt you, and waiting start to help?
Have you ever had a vision of something that you wanted really bad? But, instead of getting that thing, you took the first thing that came along resembling it? Maybe you felt your vision was a little far-fetched, maybe it was just going to take too long to get there, but whatever it was, you just didn’t want to wait, so you settled for something that was “good enough” but not great.
Patience is considered too passive for our action-oriented society. But patience is simply the appreciation of the right action at the right time, combined with the understanding that you don’t run the Universe. Your true goals often take time to be realized, but are you abandoning them simply because you don’t want to wait?
What is Patience?
When things are not happening fast enough for you or in the way that you want them to happen, and you try to force them to, that is impatience. So, patience is, first, an acknowledgement that we don’t control everything and we need to be adaptable. And, second, it’s the combination of knowing what action we need to take with the acceptance of external circumstances that we have to work around.
Basically, patience is waiting for the right time to take action and knowing that it might be a slow process.
“Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.” - Barbara Johnson
Being Patient Has it’s Rewards, Namely, Getting What You Want
We often want to rush things in our lives. What we want to happen is not happening fast enough for us. We fear it might never happen. So we try to control everything around us. And, we try to do it very fast. But when you try to force things, you seem to get further from what you want. You are trying, and trying and not getting anywhere. It’s like being on a treadmill - yes, you’re moving, but you’re still in the same place.
There’s a catch to getting what you want out of life - it doesn’t always happen at the pace you would like it to. But, instead of abandoning your original goal, realize that you may not be prepared for what you want at this time, and there are additional steps necessary in order to reach that thing you want. Take your time with the steps, and know that they are leading you towards what you want.
“He that can have Patience, can have what he will.” - Benjamin Franklin
How to Be More Patient
Being patient has more to do with changing your thoughts than your behavior. Here are some ways to change your thinking so that you can wait patiently.
Feel Strongly About What You Want - In order to be patient you’ve got to keep your goal in mind. The stronger that you feel about the goal the better. Be motivated by the thought that if you can wait long enough you can have exactly what you want in the way that you’ve pictured it.
Remember to Act With What You Have - Patience doesn’t just involve idle waiting, it also involves the right actions. When picturing your goal - even if it seems very far away - ask yourself what you can do now and then do it. Everything you need for your next move you already have, since you can only act with the resources that are around you now. It can’t be any other way.
Realize that there is a Risk Involved - The risk is that you may wait and wait and never actually achieve your goal. You have to accept this as a possibility, while still believing that you will achieve the outcome you desire. This paradox allows you to do what you need to do while distancing yourself from the outcome (which you really don’t control).
Have Confidence in Passive Activity - Though patience is a passive process (you are being acted upon, rather than acting upon something), it is also active in that it has direction and purpose. Patience is not sitting around wondering when great things are going to happen to you. It is knowing when to wait and when to act and why.
Have Faith in Uncertainty- Most of all, patience requires a faith that uncertain times will benefit you. It is to do what you know you can, while not knowing exactly what will happen. Opportunities you never imagined can suddenly appear where you least expect them.
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Topics: Ability | 3 Comments »
Self Awareness Leads To The Life You’ve Always Imagined
By Amanda Linehan on July 29, 2008
photo credit: seanmcgrath
“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” - Joseph Campbell
“Be Yourself” is a popular piece of advice. Everyone likes to hear it, yet what does it really mean? The Ancient Greeks said to “Know Thyself,” but why is it so important to know who you are? The concept of Self is not that clear, yet we all seem to sense a pattern of qualities, traits and characteristics that are completely one’s own.
How do you come to know who you are? This seems to be a silly question as you spend every minute of your life with yourself, yet we can still be astonishingly ignorant about who we really are.
And when you arrive at knowledge about yourself, what do you do with it? How does this knowledge help you through life?
Self knowledge is the foundation of any fulfilling life, because with knowledge rooted in your Self you can take powerful action towards the life you wish to create. Taken all together - knowledge of self, powerful action, and imagined life outcome - this is Self Awareness.
“Ninety percent of the world’s woe comes from people not knowing themselves, their abilities, their frailties, and even their real virtues. Most of us go almost all the way through life as complete strangers to ourselves.” - Sydney J. Harris
Look Within Yourself
When searching for self knowledge, look for patterns and trends in your behavior, thoughts, and emotions that have held up over time, even if they don’t look exactly the same at different points in your life. Here are some things you can look for:
- Proclivities
- Underlying Fears
- Underlying Motivations
- Underlying Goals
- Environmental Preferences
- Personality Preferences
- Values
- Likes/Dislikes/Loves
- Strengths/Weaknesses
How do you find these things? Through reflection and through paying attention to what you are doing. Take some time on a regular basis to think back on what you have done in your daily life and ask yourself these questions: “What was I doing”? and “How did I feel while doing it”?
Also, practice asking yourself these questions while you are going about your day. Begin to notice what you are doing and how you feel about it while it is happening.
“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart…. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” - Carl Jung
Look at Yourself from Without
It may seem that self knowledge only involves looking within yourself, when, in fact, it also involves looking at yourself from the perspective of others. Looking only inwards is like driving a car without peripheral vision or mirrors. You can drive straight ahead, but won’t know how to react to something coming at you from the sides or rear. Sooner or later you’re going to crash the car.
Do you know how people see you? Are you communicating to people what you think you are communicating? Imagine yourself sitting across the table from you. Literally, imagine yourself out of body staring at yourself. What do you see? What is your facial expression like? How are you dressed? Body language? Tone of voice? What is your impression of this person sitting in front of you?
Also, notice how people react to you. Do people often react in a way that puzzles you? Did you get a reaction you didn’t expect? Do people seem to take what you say or do in a way you didn’t intend? Reflect back on the situation after it has happened. Again, watch the situation from the perspective of a third party and observe how others are reacting to you.
If you cannot see what you look like to others, you cannot direct your action appropriately and can never use the knowledge you have gained.
Act Powerfully
Action that is based on self knowledge is powerful action because it has roots in who you are. Taking action that is rooted is always better than rootless action because it has a strong foundation. When you take powerful action you not only know what to do, but why to do it, and knowing why to do something is dependent upon knowing what you’d like the outcome to be.
On the other hand, rootless action is not powerful because the consequences are completely up to chance. Instead of being proactive, you are simply reacting to the situations around you, because you don’t have a good idea of where you’d like to go. Your action has ”what,” but no “why.”
The active creation of your life is an incredibly rewarding experience, and is really never finished. Essentially, using your self knowledge, you imagine the life you want to have and direct your action towards that. Although you can’t control everything that happens to you (external forces are acting on us all the time), you can actively take part in the aspects that you have more control over.
There is no such thing as a “successful life” that is not relative to your Self. Each of us has our own idea of what a fulfilling life would be, we just have to figure out what that is. Creating a life is not as simple as going to the ”Choose a Life Website” and picking the features that seem the coolest. There is a very specific way in which each of us will live fulfilled, and without self knowledge you will never know what that is.
“A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them, for they are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world.” - Sigmund Freud
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Topics: Ability, Connection, Passion, Peace of Mind, Power, Purpose, Self Worth, Vibrance | 10 Comments »
How To Be More Courageous
By Amanda Linehan on July 17, 2008
cour age n. The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery. - American Heritage Dictionary
What do you think of when you hear the word “Courage”? Heroes? Saving all of mankind and the Earth? Truthfully, being courageous is much more ordinary than that. Acts of courage happen everyday, by ordinary people and no matter how small they are, they are still powerful acts. Use courage when making decisions, and your life will be much richer and fulfilling.
Everyone Has the Capacity to Be More Courageous
Start Small - Acts of courage are still courageous even if they are small. Don’t discount them - in fact, they are the starting point for consistently being a courageous person. What are the little things you are afraid of? Are you afraid to be more assertive with customer service representatives on the phone? Are you afraid to go into the free-weights area at the gym? Start small - but make sure you start.
Practice Courage - Just like any other skill, courage can be practiced. If you begin to consistently make decisions with courage, you will get better at being courageous. And, your acts of courage will get bigger as you continue. It’s not that life will be any less scary, it’s that you will have more experience in managing your fear.
Remember that Courage is Relative to Your Own Fears and Abilities - Your use of courage will be different from others, because courage is relative to your life. What you are afraid of is not what others are afraid of. Courage will look different from person to person. Just remember that you have the ability to handle anything that comes your way, but what’s coming your way will be different from the next person.
Sorrow is a fruit. God does not allow it to grow on a branch that is too weak to bear it. – Victor Hugo
Courage Supports Growth, Fear Supports Stagnation
There are two ways to make decisions in life - by using courage or by using fear. It’s easy to make decisions using fear, because when we do it appears that we are choosing security and safety. The catch is that we are also choosing to stand still. When we make decisions using courage, we are choosing growth and creativity. And even when our courageous choices are painful, the growth that it brings is highly fulfilling.
Along the path of our life, our fears are locked gates that stand in our way. Courage is the key that unlocks the gate so you can continue on your way. What’s great is that the key is always with you, but if you choose not to use it you will be stuck, never continuing along past the gate.
Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature…Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. – Helen Keller
The reason that courage is such a hard choice to make is because courage always involves some kind of pain. Choices based on fear seem to be an easier choice, because they involve avoiding pain. But the paradox is that the avoidance of pain only brings you more of it. While courage is feeling pain and understanding that you can still survive, fear is avoiding pain and realizing that you are no longer living.
Topics: Vibrance | 9 Comments »
2 Reasons Why Giving Money Away Benefits You
By Amanda Linehan on July 14, 2008
Do you ever look at the world and think of all the things you would change? Is there something that is particularly important to you that you wish society took more seriously? Then practice Philanthropy. The word “Philanthropy” makes us think of billionaires, huge sums of money, and having a wing of a building named after you. But, philanthropy simply means “a love of mankind” and can be practiced by anyone with any level of income and assets. No matter how small your gift, giving your money to an organization or a cause that you value is an investment in those values. Give away your money and you will help to further the things that matter most to you.
There are 2 Main Benefits to Giving Away Your Money.
Investing in Your Values - Ok, so you’re not a billionaire. In fact, you can only make a gift of $25 (or maybe less). You should still gift that money to something you feel strongly about. It’s not so much the amount of your gift, it’s the intention behind the gift. You have to think about what you feel strongly about and how you would like to see that thing used in society. Philanthropy is really about having a strong desire to see something grow or be created in the community. It’s the desire that makes the gift powerful.
“We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love.” - Mother Teresa
Your Money Has Less Power Over You- How often do you worry about money? Do you wonder what would happen if you lost it? Do you think about how you are going to pay for everything you need (and want)? Voluntarily and happily giving your money away (no matter how small) has a way of making you feel more in control of your money (no matter how much you have) rather than the other way around. When we feel we don’t have enough money, our first response is to hoard it. This is in response to fear. By choosing not to make a decision out of fear, we have taken back some of the power that money usually holds over us.
“Money often costs too much.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
How To Choose What to Give Your Money To
Philanthropy is not a competition. No cause is more or less important than any other - there are only causes that are more important to you because you have a connection or a strong interest in them. Answer these questions to help direct your thoughts.
- Imagine yourself as a billionaire with plenty of money with which to make large gifts and make a significant difference. What would you give to?
- What do you want to see changed in the world?
- What distresses you most about the world?
- Does your immediate community have a need that you believe needs to be filled?
- Think about organizations that you were or are a part of (schools, sports teams, clubs, churches, etc). Do you feel strongly enough about any of them to give to them?
- Think about things that have given you something in life you wouldn’t have had otherwise (an art program that helped your creativity, a sports team that taught you about teamwork, a pet you rescued from a shelter, etc).
- Think about great experiences you have had in your life. Could someone else benefit from that experience?
- What are your top 5 values in life? What could you give to that would further those values?
“The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving.” - Albert Einstein
Topics: Connection, Power | 5 Comments »
Rejuvenate Yourself With Nature
By Amanda Linehan on July 7, 2008
Being around nature has a way of making us feel part of something bigger than ourselves. The concerns and preoccupations of our lives seem to get put in the proper place when we are engaged with the natural world - and usually they are much smaller and unimportant than we make them out to be. Spending time in or around nature brings our lives back into focus and helps us to relax, particularly when we feel like we can’t slow down or when our minds become obsessed with the details of our lives. Americans, in particular, are spending less and less time in nature, but it’s easy to find your way back. Rejuvenate yourself by spending more time with nature.
Spending Time in Nature Helps You Gain Perspective and Focus
Spending time in nature allows us to witness the natural order of life, and reminds us that we are a part of this natural order. Leaves fall in Autumn and return in Spring. Squirrels run up and down trees. Birds fly in the air and dig worms from the ground. These things are supposed to happen and they let us know that the world is not as random as it may seem. There is a rhythm and a structure to life and we can become a part of this rhythm. Particularly when we feel the need to control every aspect of lives, this knowledge allows us to let go and know that things will still be fine. When we begin to notice the details of nature, we also begin to realize that every detail fits nicely into one integrated whole.
“The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.” - Joseph Campbell
The kind of perspective that you gain while engaged in nature necessarily involves intense focus. During our days when are minds get busy, or even frantic, with dozens and dozens of thoughts, ideas, and things to do, practicing focus can help us manage our occupied minds more carefully. While you are observing the natural world, your attention starts to focus on one thing at a time. You watch a spider walk along a windowsill, and become engaged by the way that it’s thin legs carefully pick it’s way across the surface. Your mind becomes more relaxed as you become involved with the spider’s movement. It dawns on you that the spider has no thoughts but to do what spiders do.
You Don’t Have to Be in the Wilderness to Spend Time in Nature
Spending more time with the natural world is easy. There is nature around us all the time, even in urban environments, if you simply take it in small doses.
- Work near a window - Next time you sit down to do something, do it near a window. At first glance many people might think this would be distracting, but personally I find it stimulating. Now, the catch is that there has to be something natural outside the window - it doesn’t have to be a view of the ocean - but some trees would be nice, anything green really, or maybe a garden. A window facing into a deserted alley probably won’t do the trick.
- Keep plants in the house - Even if you don’t have a lot of sunlight coming into your house all the time, there are houseplants that really don’t require that much light (or water for that matter), and when they do need a little upkeep you might have a grand insight or make an important decision since it’s a routine activity.
- Watch your pets - Do you have a dog, a cat, fish, a hedgehog? Spend some time watching or playing with them (might be a little hard with the fish). Even though these animals live in your house, they still have all of their natural instincts, and if they have the right environment they will display them (appropriately, I hope).
- Go to a park - Landscaped and manicured nature is still nature (I’m thinking more of urban parks here). Parks are great places for taking a walk, sitting around and people watching.
- Go to the beach - Okay, so there’s a twenty-story condo behind you, a six-lane highway behind that, and the beach is packed with vacationers. Even with all these distractions the ocean is still grand. There’s just something about where the ocean meets the land that is inspiring.
- Pick your own fruits and vegetables - There are places you can go where you can pick your own fruits and vegetables right off the tree or bush. Besides the fact that you are going to have lots of great produce to eat, you’re also gonna get a little dirty, sweaty and maybe pricked by a thorn or two (hopefully not sunburned). This reminds me of when I was a kid and used to play in the woods.
- Notice the sunlight in your home or office - Take notice of the way the sunlight shines in your house or office during different times of the day. I’ve always enjoyed the late afternoon sunlight because everything seems so still at that time.
The next time you feel as if you are being pulled in a dozen directions, instead of trying to work faster, take a few minutes and step outside. You’ll see that nature is not rushing, and the Universe still works fine. And so will you.
“I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright.” - Henry David Thoreau
Topics: Peace of Mind, Vibrance | 5 Comments »
Be Persuasive By Being Certain
By Amanda Linehan on July 3, 2008
One of the most charismatic and persuasive personal qualities that you can possess is certainty. Having an unshakable belief in yourself and in what you do is an extremely attractive quality mainly because there is so little certainty in the world. Things are constantly changing and the world seems more chaotic every day. This scares us. A person who possesses certainty will attract a following because it has a calming effect on others. Being certain takes some experience and some risk, but there are things you can do to become more certain.
Being Certain Involves Knowing What You Do Well and Doing It
One of the first steps to certainty is to identify and acknowledge personal qualities that you are very skilled at (or have the potential to become very skilled at. Frankly, this involves a lot of trial and error and some self reflection. These questions may help direct your thoughts.
- Do you already know the things that you do well?
- Have you received feedback from others on skills or personal qualities that you excel at?
- Do you suspect that you can do something really well if you tried it?
- What things do you love to do or have a strong desire to try?
Take some risks and start experimenting with things that you think you have some potential in or that you’ve already received favorable feedback on. Here’s a hint: you probably really enjoy doing them already or have a desire to try them. These experiments will build self confidence and confidence tends to build upon itself once you get rolling. Also, certainty is transferable to many different situations. Building confidence in one area can impact a completely different area of your life. However, always keep your strengths in mind as you have new experiences.
The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. - William Jennings Bryan
Certainty is Communicated Through Body Language
The more that I go through life the more I believe that body language is the only true form of communication. You can manipulate what comes out of your mouth much easier than what is being communicated through your body. Here’s the cool thing about certainty - if you really have it, it’s communicated practically automatically through your body language. But, for those of us who still have to fake it sometimes here’s a rundown of body language that communicates certainty.
- Eye Contact - Maintaining eye contact is key to communicating certainty. Looking down or away from the individual or group you are addressing tends to communicate that you are not confident in what you are saying or doing.
- Posture- Particularly when you are presenting in front of a group, good posture with a straight spine and shoulders back communicates that you know what you are talking about and aren’t afraid of challenging questions. Your body language is backing up the claim that you are knowledgeable about your subject.
- No Fidgeting - Tapping your feet, lots of gesturing, hands in pockets. Your limbs should also tend to be straight and in a resting position.
- Tone of Voice - This is a big one. Generally, you want to keep a steady tone of voice. You need to project without being really loud, the pace of your speech should be slightly on the slow side, and you want to keep the tone of your voice even, without a lot of pitch changes.
What do you think? Did I miss any? These four body language tips have helped me in my professional life when I have given presentations or had meetings with people who are higher up the ladder than myself (which is almost everyone!). I needed to be able to communicate, rather quickly, that I am a capable, self confident person. Since this is written from my own perspective, I understand that this body language advice is from an American/Western perspective and that appropriate body language is not the same the world over.
Certainty Will Make You a Leader
When I am at work, I often hear the phrase “Lead from where you sit,” which basically means that you can be a leader without formal authority. It also means that there is something at which we can all be leaders. Something that we love to do and something that we do well, something that is unique to us.
- What is it that you possess certainty about?
- Is there something that others always seem to look to you for leadership on?
- Even if you don’t have formal authority, in what area do you believe you can be a leader?
Certainty or self belief is what you have when you don’t have anything else. Find that thing that you have unshakable belief in and your certainty will persuade others to follow you.
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. - Johann von Goethe
Topics: Ability, Self Worth | 4 Comments »
Be Idle and Achieve
By Amanda Linehan on June 30, 2008
photo credit: seanmcgrath
Idle time is one of the least valued and most valued things in our lives. Least valued because we tend to think that faster is always better and most valued because we’re already going so fast that all we want is to be able to slow down. Periods of slowness are important not because of what we are doing, but because of what we are not doing.
You Need Idle Time to Examine Yourself Objectively
Without time for self reflection you can’t see yourself. Self reflection is like being out of body and looking at yourself at the way another person would look at you. (Although you have an advantage because you also know your thoughts and feelings.) This is necessary in order to be able to evaluate how things are going - to decide what parts of your life should go and what needs to stay. This is a period of time that gives you the proper perspective to make decisions. Although self reflection needs vary among people, don’t cut out this time with yourself alltogether.
Slowing Down Helps You Avoid Sloppy Mistakes
Being quick or timely is not the same thing as being rushed. We need to be able to do things quickly, and as we gain more experience doing something we are able to do things quicker, but with the same amount of quality. Rushing is speed without quality.
Have you ever rushed around your house in the morning, barely making it out of the door on time, and then realized that your keys are in your house, behind your locked door?
Great Solutions and Insights Tend to Happen When You Are Engaged in a Simple Activity
I always have great ideas in the car or when I’m doing something routine. I hear a lot of people say that they have great ideas in the shower or when they are taking a walk or doing some other form of physical activity. Giving our busy minds a rest seems to bring out the best in them.
In his book Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has this to say about the “Aha! Experience.”
The insight presumably occurs when a subconsious connection between ideas fits so well that it is forced to pop out into awareness, like a cork held underwater breaking out into the air after it is released. (p. 104)
But, in order to have a “subconscious connection” you can’t be directly thinking about the problem or idea you are working on. The idea needs some room to work. You see, even when we are not doing much of anything, great things still do happen.
Topics: Ability | 10 Comments »
Effortless Decision Making
By Amanda Linehan on June 26, 2008
photo credit: miyukiutada
Anytime I have ever made a really important decision in my life and the results were favorable, it was generally because I went along with a strong feeling that I had that wasn’t based on much concrete information. Generally, lists of Pros and Cons (and other similar methods) don’t usually work for me when I have a choice to make because I prefer to use my intuition. (That’s the N in my INFP.) From my observations, I find that a lot of people agonize over whether or not they a making the right decision and spend a lot of time poring over the facts to no avail. Intuitive decision making tends to be less painful and quicker, but requires a little risk taking.
I’m not saying other methods don’t work, I’m only saying I don’t prefer to use them. So, if making a Pros and Cons list works for you, stick with that. But, if you are interested in using a more intuitive approach here are some steps that I take.
Go With What You Are Drawn To
There’s probably a good reason that you are attracted to it. Something about it has gotten you interested, trust yourself and go see what it is. In my experience, what we are drawn to is generally what is right for us at that time. Besides, would you ever go after something that repels you? Or, that you felt apathetic about?
Feel Your Way Along
Earlier this year, I tried out indoor rock climbing for the first time. I was in a class where the instructor had us climb blindfolded (not on the very first time!) and, oddly enough, I found it to be easier. When I was climbing and using my eyes, I would look at a hand/foot hold and think to myself “I can’t put my foot there - it’s not big enough.” But when I had no eyes, I also had no judgements. I simply felt my way up the wall, putting my feet and hands where I could, based simply on touch.
If we give too much authority to our eyes, sometimes we miss things along the way.
Which One Can You Not Accept?
This is for really difficult choices. When you are faced with two choices and neither of them seem particularly appealing, decide which one you cannot accept and choose the other. Many times, in this situation, one of the choices really sucks and the other one you are simply afraid to do. Deciding what you can absolutely not accept in your life leads you to the right decision - even if it’s something you are afraid to do.
Trust Yourself!
Making decisions based on intuition ultimately requires that you trust yourself and your feelings. It’s the difference between using your eyes to do everything and using your body to feel your way along. Take the leap! Why would you lead yourself astray?
“Our attitude must be like that of the mountain pine mentioned above…It merely tries to feel whether it should grow more toward the left or the right, toward the slope or away from it.” – From “Man and His Symbols,” M.-L. von Franz
Topics: Ability, Self Worth | 3 Comments »