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How To Regain Your Confidence

Published by Amanda Linehan on September 2, 2009

Looking up
Creative Commons License photo credit: aussiegall

Here is a rule to remember when anything tempts you to feel bitter: not, “This is a misfortune,” but “To bear this worthily is good fortune.” – Marcus Aurelius

No matter how confident you may be on a regular basis, sometimes we all have periods of insecurity.  This can be a blow to a person who normally feels pretty good about themselves.  It can leave you wondering if you might not ever get that confidence back.

Going through life transitions often leaves us feeling a little less than confident.  In new and challenging situations, we often don’t know what to do.

So, what’s to be done when you don’t know what to do?

9 Ways to Regain Your Confidence When You Are in the Grasp of Insecurity

  1. Don’t Panic – When you begin to feel as if you’ve lost your footing, it can shake you into a panic.  Maybe you are in a situation where you need to perform.  Or maybe you are in a circumstance that has always been a rock of stability for you.  When you start to feel a bit insecure, don’t panic, because panic will just get you stuck.
  2. Remember That It’s OK To Feel As You Do – We have a tendency to judge ourselves for experiencing negative emotions.  We judge that it’s a “bad thing” to feel anger or frustration or insecurity.  When, really, that emotion simply indicates to us that there is action to be taken.  Next time an emotion is making you feel bad, allow yourself to feel that emotion without any judgments.  Anything that you feel is OK.
  3. Go Backwards – Why do you feel the way you do?  Where did it start?  Reflect backwards in order to help you see where the emotion is coming from.  If you can figure out it’s root, that can help you know what action to take next.
  4. Remember What You Have Already Overcome – Think back on all of challenging situations you’ve already overcome.  Remember the problems that you’ve already solved.  It’s funny that when we feel insecure, we can forget that we’ve already accomplished so many things.  If you have lived for any length of time, you are already an accomplished problem solver.  We all are.  You will get through this too.
  5. Like and Accept Yourself – This is a general recommendation that makes any negative emotion easier.  When you like and accept yourself as you are, you can more easily accept what you feel too.  And, you can be optimistic that you can handle anything that comes your way.  Make friends with yourself.
  6. Solve a Simple Problem – When there is a big problem that you are struggling with in your life, sometimes you can regain some confidence by solving a smaller one.  Besides the satisfaction of accomplishing something, it also reminds you of your problem solving skills.  Then you can move on to the greater challenge.
  7. Find Something To Fall Back On – When you are feeling lost, keep in mind that thing that you can always come back to.  Think of something constant in your life.  What never fails you?  What do you trust the most?  Ideally, this is something that comes from inside of you.
  8. Recognize that Things Happen in Cycles – You will always have periods of insecurity, because you are always growing.  A period of struggle doesn’t mean you are doomed to failure, it probably means you are learning something new.  We often have to struggle with new material first before we understand it.
  9. Wait it Out – Sometimes the only thing to do is to put one foot in front of the other.  Sitting with our uncomfortable emotions is necessary to move past them.  Remember, they won’t kill you.  🙂

What do you do to regain confidence when you feel you’ve lost it?  Share your ideas in the comments!

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13 Comments

  2. Susan Pogorzelski Susan Pogorzelski

    Amanda: This is a really great post, as insecurity is something with which I consistently contend. What I find myself doing lately, when I’m feeling less-than confident, is mostly akin to number 4. I remember how far I’ve come, particularly in the past two years, and everything I’ve done and felt. I remember that quiet confidence, the feeling of empowerment when I traveled alone, how I felt being independent and self-reliant. In essence, I remember who I really am, when I’m not letting others bring me down (I say letting others — you’re responsible for your own feelings, right?) and that confidence comes back.

    I love this post, Amanda. Bookmarked for when I need that reminder, to get myself out of that rut.
    .-= Susan Pogorzelski´s last blog ..Going Back to the Start =-.

    # September 2, 2009 Reply
  4. Sara Sara

    Amanda — It can be difficult to regain confidence and I think you gave some excellent suggestions. I really liked the idea of solving a simple problem as way to regain confidence. It reminded me how I handled a time when I lost a job after working at the place for ten years.

    When this happened, my confidence took a major nosedive and I had a hard time pulling it up. One of the things I did was to clean, meaning I would assign myself a drawer (or two) in my house each day and clean it out thoroughly.

    Not only did my house get cleaned up, but this activity gave me a sense of daily accomplishment. Eventually, I cleaned out enough drawers to deal with the issues of losing my job and began to regain my confidence. Thanks for the reminder :~)
    .-= Sara´s last blog ..Kindness Can Improve Your Health =-.

    # September 3, 2009 Reply
  5. Tess The Bold Life Tess The Bold Life

    Hi Amanda,

    I’m all over no. 9 as well. I’d add to it beyond putting one foot infront of the other if you can MOVE. Move your body by taking a walk, doing the dishes, brushing your hair. Just move and it will help you change your emotions. Well Done!
    .-= Tess The Bold Life ´s last blog ..Bold Moves for Tough Times =-.

    # September 3, 2009 Reply
  6. Amanda Linehan Amanda Linehan

    Hi Dani – 9 is a popular number…I had 10 at first and then dropped one off. I thought 9 sounded good 🙂

    Hi Susan – You’re right. Remembering the things you’ve already done is about coming back to yourself. Good thing you can always come back. 🙂

    Hi Chris – Right, then our emotions start to spiral out of control.

    Hi Sara – Interesting story. It’s funny how simply completing something – even as simple as cleaning a drawer – makes us feel good again. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    Hi Tess – Move. I like that one. It seems like there is nothing that moving doesn’t help us with.

    # September 3, 2009 Reply
  10. Amanda Linehan Amanda Linehan

    Hi Jonathan – Thanks for your additions. I really like “dress to impress” – very important.

    Hi Avani – Small steps are so important. Without those, the “giant” things we want to accomplish are impossible. 🙂

    Hi Ian – That’s a good way to change your perspective. The “unpleasant incident” is the exception to your normally confident demeanor. I like that.

    # September 7, 2009 Reply
  11. Jodi at Joy Discovered Jodi at Joy Discovered

    This is all really great advice. Number 8 really stands out for me. Cycles are definitely part of our life! They come and go. Sometimes, we can follow all your other advice and it works great and other times, we may be so stuck we have to just sit back and be patient. We realize “this too shall pass” and eventually it does.

    # September 8, 2009 Reply

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