This post originally appeared in my For INFPs Premium newsletter.
I usually like to come from a strengths-based perspective when discussing INFPs. Over the years, I’ve found something of a gray cloud hanging over INFP spaces.
What I mean by that is that our weaknesses tend to take center stage. Granted, we are also usually credited with being very empathic, idealistic, and imaginative, but, to me, there is always something a little negative hanging around when INFPs are discussed.
However, I’m also not scared to dive into our challenges because every type has them. INFPs are no different.
Weaknesses can always be improved upon or rebalanced. They will never become your strengths, but you can strengthen them.
A few things, in particular, can trip up INFPs, but they tend to be things we are doing to ourselves—and not realizing it. Becoming aware of these things and taking simple steps to rebalance them can make a world of difference.
Step Out of Your Inner World
I can get stuck inside of myself very easily. After all, I like and enjoy my own inner world.
And I’m also very self-focused, which doesn’t necessarily mean selfish or self-centered (although I can cross that line easily). Still, it does mean that I am often the focus of my attention.
However, what can happen is that I’m so focused on myself that I’m quickly losing proper perspective. The things inside me start looming very large—emotions, thoughts, beliefs, fears, doubts.
They can become like monsters who start at an average size but grow exponentially. (Even average-size monsters, I don’t really want. 😉 )
And the thing is—they’re not real.
This is a real challenge for INFPs (like me) and concerns our dominant function of introverted feeling. While it can make us highly self-aware, it can also trap us inside ourselves. The remedy here is to get outside ourselves.
When you don’t have other people or circumstances to compare yourself against, this can make everything seem much larger than it actually is.
Getting out of your own way here involves stepping out of your inner space.
One of the best ways to do this is to do something social. It doesn’t have to be a giant party; we are introverts, but being in the presence of someone else will automatically take your focus off of you. When we put our attention on someone else, it becomes clear that this person also has problems, emotions, fears, and thoughts, bringing our stuff into greater perspective.
The other thing that will help? Getting into your body. We tend to experience ourselves through our minds, where we tell ourselves many untrue stories. But we can also experience ourselves through our bodies in the world of sensations and energy.
Run, walk, do a mind-body practice. Do some chores around the house or yard. Stretch. Take a shower or a bath. Any activities involving your senses and getting your body involved will quiet your thoughts and emotions. In other words, you can feel your feelings in your body rather than getting very worked up in your mind.
Take Concrete Action
INFPs are not exactly action people. Sure, we take action all the time (I mean, we do have to go through daily life), but we’d rather be in the possibility space.
We love to imagine and envision, sifting through all the things that are possible. We can see so many possibilities, all with their own wonders. Still, when it comes time to buckle down and start making those possibilities a reality, we lose energy.
Pulling possibilities into reality doesn’t seem quite so fun. We may know grounded action is necessary, but it doesn’t have the whimsy of dreaming of what might happen.
However, this is a quick and easy way to rebalance yourself.
How much concrete action do you take toward the things you’d like to do? Or the things that need to get done?
For myself, just the knowledge that taking more concrete action will further what I’d like to be, have, and do in my life motivates me to do it. Even if it feels a little boring. Action steps bring my ideas to life, and ultimately, that’s what I want.
Taking grounded action may not feel very exciting, but when I tie it into what I value and care about, it makes it easier, adding an energy boost to something I might drag my feet on otherwise.
And this is all relatively simple. When I remember that grounded action can rebalance me very quickly, it makes me more likely to think about it when I’m stuck. And taking that action in small chunks makes it feel very doable.
If you’ve been wondering why you can’t seem to get anything done or can’t reach your goals, check in with yourself for a moment. How much concrete action have you actually taken on it? If the answer is none or just a little, there’s your answer.
Remember, Most Environments Aren’t Made For You
In the above sections, I explored ways INFPs may need to take the opposite action they prefer to move forward. But I also want to point out a perspective shift that might make you feel better.
If you feel like you don’t do anything right and something might be wrong with you, remember most of the world was designed by other types. 🙂
This can help you be more compassionate toward yourself when you’re feeling frustrated with something you’re doing (or not doing). Most spaces aren’t designed with INFP qualities in mind, and you don’t see yourself reflected back to you that often.
This can make you consistently feel like you’re doing something wrong or even that you are wrong.
Things that are easy for others (like taking many concrete action steps) aren’t that easy for you. And when you are constantly in environments (like a work environment, maybe) that don’t suit you, it’s easy to think that you just can’t get your act together.
But imagine if INFPs were much more common, like 15 or 20% of the population, and you consistently were in spaces that reflected your preferences. Suddenly, the fact that you are challenged by taking concrete action might not seem like that big of a weakness, even if you still have to find ways of doing so.
Getting out of your own way as an INFP can simply involve deliberately doing what you wouldn’t normally do in a couple of key areas outlined above. And it can also involve being more compassionate with yourself. Put these things together, and you’ve got the beginnings of a very effective INFP. 🙂
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Amanda Linehan is the author of Productivity For INFPs. She is an independent author, coach, and INFP, who has published six full-length books and has been read in 113 countries. Amanda was a speaker at the INF Summit in February 2020. Learn more about her Productivity For INFPs Online Course on the course page.
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