How To Be Assertive

Assertiveness is the sweet spot between being a doormat and being overly aggressive. It is the place from which you ask for what you need, and know that you will receive it.

The 3 Steps To Being Assertive

Directly ask for what you need – You need to know what it is that you need, and then you need to state it in the most straightforward manner possible. Being able to do this comes from the belief that you are entitled to what you are asking for. Many people have a difficult time doing this even in cases where it’s perfectly clear that they have a right to this thing.

You don’t have to get angry or make a show of outrage when you ask for this thing. A concise, direct statement will do the trick.

Allow the other person to respond – After you have asked for what you need, don’t say anything else. Don’t justify what you asked for. Don’t apologize for what you asked for. Don’t start talking just to fill the silence. Let the other person respond to you.

They can now either give you what you asked for, or not (and you need to accept both of these possibilities). Even if they are a little taken aback, most people have an innate respect for people who ask for what they need. It is likely you will get whatever you asked for.

Be gracious – After you get what you need, thank this person. Remember, no negative emotions need be present here. If you are asking to receive something that you are entitled to, you should expect the other person will give it to you. And afterwards you can be grateful to this person.

Sometimes you just have to ask.

The Last Step To Being Assertive

Many people are afraid to be assertive because they fear the other person’s reaction. One way to overcome this is to prepare yourself for the very worst. You can ask yourself the following question.

What’s the worst reaction this person will have?

You might be afraid that the other person will get angry and yell, and you really don’t want to be on the receiving end. But, really, would that be so bad?

Remember, when it seems like someone has stepped on your toes, it’s often just a mistake, and that’s why simply asking that person to correct that thing works. You need to be assertive to get what you need, but you also need to understand that most people aren’t out to get you.

Being assertive is a simple process, it just takes a little courage.

photo credit: visualpanic